Top Ten Uses for my Aborted Fetus...(continued)

Number 7:
Modern Art

To you, dumb readers, the object in the picture on the left might appear to be a fetus stitched to a bird and dunked in a jar of formaldehyde. But that’s only because you’re a herd of conformist, narrow-minded sheeple. What you're looking at is a work of art. Not just any art, oh no. It’s modern art.

As far as I can work out, modern art, when it isn’t about eating a quart of acrylic and shitting explosively on a piece of canvas, involves clear glass containers, chemicals and dead animals. The artist does a few hours of messy work and then takes credit for 4 billion years of evolution and 300 years of science.

Actually, the artist who went to the trouble of sewing a “womb-baby” to Jonathan Livingston Seagull tried too hard, did a bit too much messy work. Real modern artists don’t tamper with the perfection of nature. They just drop the whole fucking unaltered carcass into a tank and sell it to connoisseurs for a cool 10 million bucks.

But look out, Young British Artists, you princes of Guggenheim. The United States federal government is stealing your thunder. You think preserving a cow in a tub of formaldehyde is an outrageously brave statement? Try doing the same with the lumpenproletariat of America's Gulf Coast:

"BAY ST. LOUIS, Miss. — For nearly a year now, the ubiquitous FEMA trailer has sheltered tens of thousands of Gulf Coast residents left homeless by Hurricane Katrina. But there is growing concern that even as it staved off the elements, it was exposing its inhabitants to a toxic gas that could pose both immediate and long-term health risks.

The gas is formaldehyde, the airborne form of a chemical used in a wide variety of products, including composite wood and plywood panels in the thousands of travel trailers that the Federal Emergency Management Agency purchased after Katrina to house hurricane victims"

Now that's what I call art!

October 20th.

My aborted fetus.

One jar of chemicals.

Bring your checkbooks.